Not all who wander are lost.

I only ever use this blog when I’m upset, usually about the same stupid person. But considering he told me he couldn’t care less about me on Saturday and then declared himself as “in a relationship” with someone else, I guess that’s my decision made for me.

I hate you so much. I hate you so much because I like you so much. You say you’re proud of the fact that I’m such a bitter person, well maybe if you weren’t such a doichebag and didn’t treat me like absolute crap, maybe I wouldn’t be so bitter. I’m pretty sure I’ve been making it perfectly clear how much I like you only to have you act like it never happened and you’re single on valentine’s you wouldn’t be single if you gave me a chance. But that’s it though isn’t it? That’s all I ever am, I have sex with people because I think it’ll make them stay when they just get what they want and then leave. Every single time.
I wanted to sort everything out and have a proper conversation with you for once so that I knew where we were and what was happening unlike the past 6 months but you couldn’t even be bothered to reply with the word “no” when I asked if we could meet up.
I give up. I really do, I’ve spent so much time putting in so mug effort and for what? To be ignored, made to feel pretty much absolutely worthless when you tell everyone on Facebook you’re going out with all of your single friends and then start inviting girls to it. I bet I didn’t cross your mind once. And I wish I had the guts to say all of this to your face.

Can someone just come and wrap their arms around me and tell me everything’s going to be alright and I’m not going to be lonely forever please?

I just feel so upset right now. Like no one at all cares, except for one person who I don’t care about.
This whole valentines day thing is really getting me down. Like I really shouldn’t be bothered but I am, and I’m only bothered because I thought I was getting somewhere with him
And now he doesn’t even want to know. I’ve been trying to convince myself to stop thinking the worst but today has just confirmed it.
I tried not to get too close but once again I did. I’m so stupid. It happens every time and I never learn.
I just want to make all of this go away. Why can’t I just be happy for once?

I find it so hard to trust people, especially guys, I can’t help thinking he’s going to walk away and never come back. No matter what happens these thoughts always fill my head. When he doesn’t talk to me for a few days I get anxious but just when I think he’s given up on me he’ll text me, reminding me he cares like he knows exactly how I’m feeling.